her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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