a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
