Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
