how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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