Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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