Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
