i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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