I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
