i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.