Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?