thus making me awesome and them whores
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"