I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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