I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
