like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
