Cold hands, warm shart.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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