Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
