You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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