Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
