I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.