I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.