sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
