can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
