yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments