Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..

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(858): View more from California

last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(480): View more from Arizona

West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way

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(605): View more from South Dakota

maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover

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(314): View more from Missouri

She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"

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(702): View more from Nevada

Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.

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