How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
