i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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