Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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