rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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