it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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