Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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