I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
