i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
