The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Pants are for mortals
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He did a backflip because drugs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
