I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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