My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
