I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
