thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
