Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'

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(541): View more from Oregon

I heard you threw up in your lap?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

I heard that too.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.

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(970): View more from Colorado

just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?

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(661): View more from California

Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.

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(951): View more from California

She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.

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