are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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