my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
