i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
