Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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