bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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