...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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