She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize