I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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