NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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