you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
