You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
