He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm at about main and main street
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
