Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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