at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just pee around me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
