There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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