did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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