i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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