just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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