I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
