Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
