Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
