It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
