Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
