p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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