There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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