What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
