I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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