I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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