my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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