Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
