If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
