dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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