Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
