It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
