apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
