So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
