I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
