What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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