He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
