I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
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People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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