i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.