Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud