We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe