I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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