My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.