I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
