thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
