shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
