i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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